Heavy

12/12/05

I saw it there, floating almost close enough to touch.
But that is the dreamers way, aye? To almost reach that unreachable destination just shy of a moment, and still convince yourself that you may. I was sitting there in an instance, wrapped in his arms, sheltered from the cold, watching the sky and speaking of love and many things that we would speak of... yet I feel like I wasn't. I wanted it... to hold it... to remember.... but was I ever really there? Does it matter? I feel like it was all a dream. Perhaps if I sleep enough I will be there again.
But I know I should not and I could not.
I take the heavy path, and I wear my memories like a heavy coat. Each step reminds me how that I do not want to be here. My mind is filled with uncertainty, when just not so long ago everything was so clear.
I feel the weight in my chest, an also heavy burden. Why can it not just break into oblivion to decay and rot away? Why must it remain to pain me so with each beat?
I keep tormenting myself of my decisions. Did I make the right one? Irony that I do so, when I had only one to make... to move on...
So thus I walk, to where I'm not sure. I feel lost again... I do that often. That lost sense washes over me and I find myself searching for something. Funny how that one look into the eyes of another can bring it all together for you, and bring peace to that feeling. But it seems now I cannot find that peace as I once did.
Nor will I ever...

Forget Each Word

12/09/10

Would it be a tale so sweet to feel the crimsoned cool release?
I heard the echo in your flight, as you left my door again last night,
Alone in darkness, I sit in fear, and cry that bloody lonely tear.
How is that I lack so much, to not deserve your loving touch?
Leave me please, and let me die, and I will crawl away and hide.
Bury myself into the ground, deep enough to not be found,
Soak in the blood rub in the red, and wish that I can soon be dead.
Dripping soft upon the wood, and stain the satin covered hood,
Accept the night and close the door, and dream a dream that comes once more,
To find me lost this one last time, and forget each word I heard in rhyme,
Forget the paint in each smooth brush, forget the silent screaming hush,
Forget the words with comfort spoke, forget the music of each note,
Forget the smile, the laugh, the eyes, forget the many lonely lies,
Forget the arms, the beating heart, and all that I proclaimed as art.
Falling deep into the dead, I lay my heavy confused head,
To free my mind some place in time, and rest at last as peace I find.

Disconnected

Heat courses through my skin,
And the blade becomes hot.
And while I bled upon the floor,
Bleeding I was not.
Yet red is red either way it flows,
I did not cut myself I know.
So while the dripping cursed my veins,
I wished to bleed against the grain...
And bleed and bleed although it stopped,
To catch it's breath and gently mop,
Itself up from the cold hard ground,
I decide to loose myself there down,
And throw myself into it's spill,
To find out where and if it will,
Keep me there away from him,
Or send me home to dive and swim,
Into the pool so bitter dark,
And drink it up yet leave it's mark,
To scar my skin reminding me,
Of how I wished to with him be.
But pull me out and sink it's teeth,
Into the full breast beneath,
The silky white yet lifeless skin,
And fill the blood from out within,
To make me see that writhing red,
And disconnect me from the dead,
That I may miss his warming kiss,
Into the cold and lonely bliss.