Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Memories of June

Memories in somber silence fall heavy in that thick humid fog of summer as Spring fades quietly into that sleeping death we so many times have fallen.
Rain... oh how subtle that prelude to abrupt melancholy seems so harmless and serene in it's first whispering arrival.
And suddenly here we are again at the beginning before the storm when love and passion fell full of that blood soaked revival of immortal awakenings.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Quiet

Finally I feel that long lost slumber as the earth falls into that deathly trance of Winter.
That peaceful silence as all retreat into the cold quietly beats steady in my chest...
Passing further and further into nothingness
It's a sound unlike any unheard sound vibrating deep into your bones as she falls into the forgotten.
Yet all is here and callously walking on her grave as if she never lie in that earthy tomb.
How can you not hear that deafening silence as everything slips into beautiful decay.
It feels almost unnatural to be here.

Friday, September 19, 2014

September Remembers

Here in this stabbing breeze of Septembers chilling prelude that quickens in my chest with its yearly arrival.
Find the course to bleed again in fates crisp memory of passionate nostalgia.
Pulling yourself away from me again and again I find I'm adjusted to this state of grief and resentment. How do I hold on... I'm trying... I still need you.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

I Can't Sleep

I can't sleep. My mind is spinning with tormenting memories of you.
Your voice carries through times corridors to whisper softly upon waking ears in sleepless solitude.
How is it that a moments glimpse can flood my senses with overwhelming familiarity,  as if it was only yesterday I lay lost in obsession, passion and love of you.
It appears that perhaps a part of me had and will always remain in that dark euphoric place where I was me and you were everything.
I miss you still.

Monday, June 9, 2014

The All-American Rejects - It Ends Tonight


Summer Rain

Certain solace brought in crisp melancholy summer rain on mornings like this,
Bring you back to me, here in liquid cool scents of peaceful silence.
That oh so beautiful gray that overcasts the day and here we go again in dark red sway.
Back and forth, around and round, that rhythmic silent game we play.
I feel the trip and I feel the drop, I feel the fall and I feel the earth stop.
Piano keys so soft in the wind of the quiet storm. Can you hear the stars? I once could not.
Playing that wretched tune that haunts my dreaming wake.
So beautifully horrid, violent in timeless memory quake.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Lost Decay

In evenings shadow... the time of Ives,
Steal subtle little forgotten smiles.
To keep the fall the absent died,
And lay in disconnected ties.
For just a day to hold the sway,
And hope to find the long lost way,
For quiet moments caught astray,
Cannot catch close that lost decay.

I'm Moving On

Sigh... I'll be glad when I can sing this song.

"I'm Moving On"
by Rascal Flatts
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Whist

Soft grains beneath the soil, heavy in the cold days toil.
I ran the thought and wrote the wrought, yet neither did the darkness brought.
Spinning atop the broken rock that sprung the splintered tree to cock.
Bend and wind and whirl below, within the dark and deep in tow.
Find my foot, to still the steep, and hope the shadows fall to sleep.
Pray in silence, breath in whist... and hope it fall with all exist.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Persist

A familiar scent entrances and captures the curiosity.
Filling the crevices of my senses, possessing all within me and I lose control.
I lose control a moment in a line of long moments, I feel again... like me.
Somewhere between the fall and the fallen, the thought persisted... and I existed.
Feel it's lingering warmth hidden in the folds of desire and escape.
Soft the breath and deep the fill of silence and that long lost lovely death.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Blood

And my mind is filled with life...
Thoughts of blood...
The sound of a heartbeat,
The vein that pulses upon your neck.
The warmth of your fingertips,
The hardened appendage that flows full with it.
Blood...
That dark metallic taste upon my lips,
The scent consuming me to uncontrolled hunger.
The velvet feel, soaked upon my skin.
Taking life into me that I will possess,,,
Even into my death.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Drown

Can I cut you?
Will you bleed?
Will you fall upon the need?
Red on Red and Gray on Gray,
Filling all that feels the sway.
Sharpened glass or quickened teeth,
Feel the Feel to Write then read.
Fall and fly, live and die,
And all to simply lay that lie.
Darkness sweet, Nothings deep...
Yet somehow I still have the lead.
Heavy hands, in silver shells,
The bitter cry, the lonesome yell.
Such splendid chaos spinning down,
To cut you then simply let you drown.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Sleep

Sleep,,,
I long to sleep... To have peace in my mind.
A settled spirit seems an unreachable destination.
The comfort of having my heart rest from its'
Meloncholied emotional journeys for a time.
To simply sleep and dream...
To dream that sleeping dream.
I would sleep with the stars on a bed made of moon.
Or simply locked away in darkness with no door
To place the metal key.
A satin bed with a wooden top
Burried deep beneath the discovery of any human...
Just to sleep

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Passionate Professor

Is it death, that stabbing breeze,
Cuts me like a knife.
Love, it is night, just as Peck said.
The land of the dead,
Holds my love tight.
Perhaps not, Perhaps so.
What does the heart know?
To journey there and back again.
A fools proof is only an idea,
And thus a wise man's the flower
Which blooms within your hand.
To suffer confusion at all cost,
An intricate thing is the mind.
A secret is here, a riddle more so,
The Passionate Professor will know. 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Death and Passion

Both experiences that can be pushed to darkness
Death and darkness
Passion and darkness
Would I be necro to want to mix the two?
I feel,,, no.
To reallize one's mortality and one's immortality
In combination with one's desires.
To wish to carry one's passion into the beyond.
Is not a morbid thing I think.
Only a reallization that there is darkness in both
And embracing it can only further my mortal experiences

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Cold

Winters cold has reached it's depth.
Freezing flesh and bone and.... blood.
Confusion and curiosity besets me in wonderment,
How can dead blood, be more, dead?
Thick it lay within my chest with the scent of you.
Blood with Blood,,, entwined.. we were.
And yet we found ourselves on opposite ends,
Buried deep in icy soil and stiffened satin.
Lie in dreams, I, dream...
I feel that feel, so far away, yet quick in mind
So close as if it were last dusk.
Why do you allow this decay,,, why do we?
We fear and love so violently within ourselves,
So much so that we would prefer to live in this death.

Friday, January 10, 2014

A Storm Is Coming

Rooms just moments ago filled with movement, voices, laughter and interaction quickly have faded to a quiet dark desert of silent decay.
It's become insanely apparent to me how much I need distraction. With the fall of the solitude comes nothingness. The nothingness brings time and space for the mind to think... to bethink oneself in shadowy figures and muted echoes.
Brief flashes of light flicker from behind the window sheers and a faint roll rises from the distance with the promise of thunder and lightning... a storm is coming this night. A cold dark empty house with a night full of raging winds and chaos bellowing about...  ....sounds just like I feel.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Congratulations, You are a Man

Who do you think you are? Spitting your preconceived contentions in such reckless judgement casts...
Spinning your diluted words in seeming boxed construction as if structure in my world to yours, lasts.
What fools deliquesce out into the wind from breath taken and twisted into mendacity and ignorance bliss.
Smile that smile in twisted guile and keep on believing I do not see you for your truest shallowness.
A pretty face and shining cock, does please them when they seek the thought.
Then cast away for quick decay, while your pretty little words mean naught.
To boast and brag with tool in hand, to root and crow "you are a man"!
How nice for you, you phallic clod, to have a dick and think your God.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Immortal Depression

I find the need to write again... not just write but put pen to paper once more in regards to topics my hands and mind have been insanely and with much tedious perfection so heavily trying to avoid. It's been quietly there however, hiding in shadows as usual... the thirst for blood... the desire for the hunt... the thrill of piercing eyes in quiet realization that they have become,,, prey.
Yes that ever growing need to feed becomes deafening and almost paralyzing.
Retreat I quickly before hunger overtakes me and I am no longer in control of my actions. Without my sweet inspiration and the hand of he whom carries my silent cold heart, I have found myself so far past the point of emptiness, I cannot distinguish between the need and the misery. I find I'm  withdrawn to sleep and dreams of centuries of immortality that seems to become more and more of a curse than a gift as the days pass that I am without my love.... and without that crimsoned release... but I must have both or have neither.
I feel my wings are broken... My only desire is to fade away in quiet slumber and lose myself someplace in time and hope he someday finds me once more.

Cliff

Tangled in mixed emotions, I find myself spinning easily and beautifully in soft chaos over the edge of that darkened cliff which sleeps quietly in it's fog of night, peacefully awaiting the hour of my ritualistic visit of finding myself stumbling and falling that silent fall.
As smooth and deep as a brush stoke of thickened red paint on black canvas finding itself pool then run eerily similar to that crimson drip, violent red in sweet satisfaction that I've been lost to for far too long. I embrace myself and close my eyes this time in acceptance of my tormented fate... why brace for a fall I've experienced in the same melancholy dread over and over again in dull and weary entrapment?
Why not this time.... close my eyes and simply feel the decent and in some way allow the loss of control to carry me there and back again without the fear.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Crank

It's rare anymore that I find myself in peaceful solice of private corners. Laying here in silence, I feel the rusty crank on the side of my brain creak in ghostly fashion as if opening a door to an ancient tomb that's been buried and forgotten yet newly discovered.
I have always been aware... yet,,, feeling and knowing are two different things aren't they. Feelings make you mad with wonderment. Emotions will draw you into darkness and convince you that you are lost in chaos... and you are. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart and life in general in most cases, the brain tends to shut down so we never really think clearly,,, we just run around lost in the chaos of flooding emotions.
The rusty crank turns and the wheels spins... Once our minds perceive as truth, we can then begin to search for truth.... and truth sadly can be more maddening than the chaos of uncertainty.

Copyright2014©AngelaVaden

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Flow

I didn't know how thick the tow,
would wash and consume in heavy flow.
Falling down deep in silent sound,
The quiet overtakes and I drown.
Rushing in, sweet bitter sin,
What happened to who I was within?
All goes dark, that black ironic Mark,
Red fades to gray then to nothings stark.
Black is new, this darkened hue,
But blissful in a twisted view.