A Dream

I found myself dreaming, deep in sleeping slumber and quiet solitude. Curling my fingers and arms close against me to snuggle near that precious comfort that is no longer against my sleeping breast, gone but not missing, as I find myself in dreams peaceful embrace I do not realize it's not even there.
Cool breezes painted poetically with a touch of warm golden sun lit brushstrokes almost in slow motion covering the ground in my minds small but city like square with colors of browns, yellows and dark orange leaves that dance so lovely in that place that's formed its garden now permanently painted in my memory and wishing somewhere it might exist for me.... Could it please really exist for me?
The towering buildings remind me of tall versions of a village that might exist somewhere in Italy or Venice but seemingly misplace here in the small town existence of my dream world and although misplaced feel so much like home... I am so happy.
I stand in awe... not of the beauty of the monuments, not in the wonder of having such a perfect place covered also in such perfect Fall... but in that here in this place where lay all that I love and all that makes me happy I also found you again. Walking through long lovely open corridors, strolling through the courtyard listening to the leaves beneath my feet, sitting on the stone steps of the most beautiful building I have ever seen in non existence, taking in the beauty of the angelic statue that rests inside the wrought iron fence in the middle of it all,,, there you were, your eyes to mine, your nose to my nose, your arms holding me so beautifully and it seemed I found peace again like I have not found in so long. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to truly be happy and here it was, so real and so wonderful.... and then I awoke.
All day I have closed my eyes to find myself back inside the Autumn Dream and all day I have found you when I did. But all day, I have longed to never open them again and stay there... because there is no where else that I want to be, nor any other way to be there but in A Dream.

Still Motion

Steady, fast and confident strides this sure footed traveler. On and on, I journey, each day telling myself to just keep going. Just do. "Do or do not, there is no try" quoth the legendary wide eyed master along with many other pearls of wisdom and inspirational writings that people remind themselves of daily or subscribe to in order to help them make it from sun up to sun down. I find myself repeating the phrase, quite often of late, in my mind to help me make it through the thickness of dense dark negativity that imprisons us from the moment we open our eyes each morning and does not release us until we are in those briefly quiet moments between sleep and dreams when the mind does nothing.
Just keep moving, just keep going, just keep doing.... and eventually I will be there....
where?
I'm not sure.
I suddenly have this overwhelming feeling as if I've not actually moved at all. I've not made any progress nor moved any closer to that imaginary goal that I'm not even sure "is". A still motion I daily commit myself to in order to convince myself that I'm getting there.... to better, to smarter, to more successful, to prettier, to thinner, to .... good enough, I suddenly realize while sitting here all alone behind this glass filled with faceless others that, I'll never get there.
No matter where I am, I am nowhere when there is something missing and as long as that something is missing, I'm always going to be somewhere less than, good enough.

All

Sitting here, my mind has been on you again. Over and Over again your image flashes inside my brain everytime I close my eyes and everytime I open them. A somber torment that I'm not sure if I love or hate, but can't do without either way. It's all I have...