Shattered Pieces

Shattered pieces... shuffling through what used to be.
It's me,,, I think,,, at least there is something that reminds me of me,,, but not me.
a reflection... a portrait of happiness, scattered upon the dirt, barely recognizable, but remembered.
I want so to pick up a piece,,, why I don't know.. to keep a piece of myself perhaps... or maybe to slit my wrist with it, and end this journey that has took a turn toward misery.
Sacrifice... loosing everything you ever wanted, to have what you wanted, but now your not sure what you want. Twisted Irony...
That fate would throw me into the arms of someone and then not let us be together... fate's sick dementia... to hurt us?
Or was it me? I think so...
It is me who's mind is so twisted...
I don't know.. anything.
So beautiful you sit in front of me,,, everything I want, but I can't have, so I let you go.
Walking away my soul ripped apart knowing that one day you will have all that I wanted to have with you.
But some part of me is happy that you will be happy.
And I wake myself up from the dream of you. And return to reallity. 

Forget Each Word

Would it be a tale so sweet to feel the crimsoned cool release?
I heard the echo in your flight, as you left my door again last night,
Alone in darkness, I sit in fear, and cry that bloody lonely tear.
How is that I lack so much, to not deserve your loving touch?
Leave me please, and let me die, and I will crawl away and hide.
Bury myself into the ground, deep enough to not be found,
Soak in the blood rub in the red, and wish that I can soon be dead.
Dripping soft upon the wood, and stain the satin covered hood,
Accept the night and close the door, and dream a dream that comes once more,
To find me lost this one last time, and forget each word I heard in rhyme,
Forget the paint in each smooth brush, forget the silent screaming hush,
Forget the words with comfort spoke, forget the music of each note,
Forget the smile, the laugh, the eyes, forget the many lonely lies,
Forget the arms, the beating heart, and all that I proclaimed as art.
Falling deep into the dead, I lay my heavy confused head,
To free my mind some place in time, and rest at last as peace I find.        

Scent

Torture,,, why do I tortue myself so?
For those few brief moments to free myself,
Dancing in that familiar scent once again,
Only to have it stolen from me as quickly as I found it.
Breathe it in so deeply and let it catch me,
I want it to catch me, to remind me time and time again,
Over and over through out the day,
Remind me of that scent, of that taste, of skin, and that deep kiss that consumes my thoughts.
I've never seen you look as beautiful as you did that morning... why?
I've never recalled that scent of you so obsessively through the day, yet I remembered every time it caught me the moment I found it again... I remembered.
And no matter how long you take it from me,,, I never forget...
Sitting here right now,,, I smell you...

Bloody Winter

In the winter cold and quiet,
Snow seems an inescapable white.
Comforting that uncomfortable turn,
To dismiss that unsudden chance return.
Red on crystal clear sheer flakes,
To weigh it down with big mistakes.
Left alone to soak it in,
Yet know it's just another sin.
Touch of hands warm on my breasts,
Bloody hands that held me best.
That bloody taste I did not know,
That melted with the last nights snow.
Still on my lips so fresh and real,
And all the life I longed to steal.
Hold my heart and watch it bleed,
And write what words you wish to read.
Upon the sand that wasted time,
In wishing that you would be mine.
Hope it rains to make you fall,
Upon me with that raining wall.
And wash away the blood I need,
Which hold your wrists that will not bleed.

Picture

An ordinary thing to sit on a shelf,
Quite common and familiar.
Explainable in a thousand different ways,
Yet each way is so much similar.
Watching me watching you,
Reminding me of a cool crisp breeze.
Suddenly I feel myself standing there,
Hearing the wind as it blows the leaves.
Sweaty palms beneath a general pocket,
I had forgotten about the sweet cold.
I can smell Winter draw near then leave,
And I missed the picture of the snow.
For snow it did and covered me,
Then melted with the spring.
While blooming daizies filled the field,
The birds began to sing.
I forgot the picture of the Spring,
And passed it by before aware.
Then watch it fall off to the floor,
And left a place so bare.
Reading my mind, digging in my thoughts,
As you so expectingly see me.
See me for me, am I all that you need?
Then spring has passed me so suddenly.
And so comes the heat, that passionate beat,
Drumming between our acceptance.
My legs spread, tracing deep creavaces,
Leaving my skin with your essence.
Lay your head down to hear that soft sound,
Echoing that song in a murmer.
And so how it seems, to fly in the dream,
And I lost that picture of summer
Now a circle is made, and Autumn may live,
And cover the frame with it's memory.
Remembering detail, etching in my brain.
And I lost that picture of me.

Baby

"Are You My Baby?" I asked of he,
Then he replied in a voice so sweet,
"I'm your Baby," was what he said,
And held me tight there in his bed.
His arms around me warm and strong,
I breathed him in, and held it long.
Then felt the safety in his heart,
And knew with me he would not part.
But grow in him from now and on,
This love that we had come upon.
Then take me there to further then,
Beyond the life I've found with him,
And treasure each and every touch,
I knew it in my heart so much.
"Are you my Baby?" He asked I,
And quickly did I so reply,
"I am you Baby." that he would know,
My heart did oh so love him so,
And know that I could not withstand,
To walk this path without his hand,
And know that I would surely die,
Without that love within his eye.
Yet I know I now must fall awake,
And keep my mind from that mistake,
For no good dreams will find me sleep,
And all that I do long to keep.
That haunting touch, that place I find,
Within those eyes that read my mind.
That place in which I found was me,
And found that lost eternity.
Hold on to that last part of I,
Before I slip away and die,
For darkness comes so quietly,
To take the breath you gave me breathe.
It seems the ghost has so consumed,
And left the safety of the tomb,
To haunt me now and fill my mind,
With what I thought of once as mine,
Torture me with dreams of us,
And how I did so love so much.
To search within those open eyes,
To see that soul in those blue skies,
And feel that rain upon my skin,
To catch it up and hold it in.
So hold me close, into your heart,
Protect me from that quiet dark.
For close behind it follows me,
And waits for me to fall asleep.
"Are you my Baby?" I must hear,
And know that you are somewhere near.

Pretty Head

Darkness makes way for the sillouette of moonlight,
Fingers smooth across the fabric searching and finding a place to hold on tight.
The sounds of pleasure filling the dark, emphasized by the contours of your shoulders above me.
And all I want right now is this extacy.
Dancing that dance, swaying with sway, slow motion it seems as I touch your sweet face.
Skin on skin, to feel you within, something so holy that feels like a sin.
Beautiful the dance that is of true love, and oh how it quickens me to feel love and lust.
Sweet and mean, dirty and clean, the kiss that you have for that pulsating stream.
Sensual kisses that drive me so mad, what is it you do, that makes me so bad?
Your pretty head, here in my bed, until finally it seems at last I am dead.
Hold me close, my lonely lost soul, and I'll only pray you never let go.        

What Would You Dream

What would you say, to pray, if you stay,
To walk along the mornings bay,
The water cool, the fish would say,
To catch that catch for any day.
What would you hear to feel your ear,
To understand all that which is dear,
And wish that you had held so near,
But left your love, because of fear.
What would you love, to love so much,
To know that darkness cannot touch,
But give your love it's dying watch,
And watch it tick away, decay, shut the latch.
What would you dream, to dream if you sleep,
To sleep the night away so peacefully,
And know that love still rests with thee,
Just beside you in your sleep, tonight and for eternity.        

Forget

Changing faces in those spaces,
I grow to know the feel of fear.
Yet I am not scared of you,
I am terrified of you,
And that inescapable loneliness.
Can I find that place to hide,
Is it there or else somewhere,
Somewhere else that ends nowhere.
Some place that can replace,
That dark hole of being alone.
Yet hope spins slowly reminding me
That it exists, that it waits.
My mind drifting to those arms,
Wrapping me up into safety,
Reminding me of the memory,
Begging me not to forget...
To never forget....
And I struggle to recall it all,
Every detail of your face,
And every warm embrace,
Everytime you said my name,
And everytime our love we made.
Etch it deeply in my brain,
And that memory I shall retain,
Oh how I will miss you tonight,
And miss the way you hold me tight.
As I lay in bed and think of it,
Still scared I might somehow forget.
Forget those eyes that saw through me,
Forget those lips I kissed so deep.

Your Head

Reminisce, I have all night,
Of how your head, I held so tight,
Between my legs, your gentle kiss,
Your tongue so warm upon my clit.
My fingers in your hair I ran,
As you licked until I could not stand,
My legs spread wide, for you to taste,
The wetness that my pussy makes.
Shivering, shaking, I came undone,
Upon your face so hard I'd come.
And spill myself upon your chin,
And yet you'd lick it still again.
Then bring your lips to me so wet,
I'd taste myself as our kisses met.
All night these thoughts I see in bed,
And touch myself as I miss your head. 

Wheel

The wheel turns in my brain,
Spinning that ever so twisted wire,
Pretending itself to be sane,
Convincing me I'm no liar.
And all the words that spill within,
Come out and seek solitude,
And creep, and crawl, fly, or swim,
Depending on the birthing mood.
Rat a tat, dang a lang,
I heard the chiming bell again,
Awaken, see, it's here so plain,
Why is that you restrain?        

Blue Eyes

In your eyes so bright and blue,
I thought I saw, a glimpse of you,
Of you and I, and something true,
To hold us close and bring us through.
And I longed to gaze into that stare,
To see that I was truly there,
With you, in you, of you, I dare,
To hope that I am still somewhere.
Behind those so deep and dark I go,
To find myself somewhere I know,
To see that you still love me so,
And that you still hold onto hope.
Darkness though has found me still,
But save me again, I know you will,
Just as you do so much with skill,
You know just how it is I feel.
No matter how I run or dare,
To hide myself from your deep stare,
I find I am still always there,
And find myself so unaware.
But why it is you see so clear,
That what is me and all I fear,
I do not know, and sometimes fear,
Just how you see and love so dear,
That which is me, so out of place,
From what you would so wish to face,
From that which you so dearly taste,
And I feel that I am just a waste.
For what do I have to give to you,
But all that which I hold onto,
And wish to be with you so true,
And selfishly I know I do.
Hold onto all you are to me,
And hope that sometime soon you'll see,
With me is all you'll want to be,
And live and love so peacefully.
So childish I am so full of dreams,
And long to be that story theme,
And have you all only to me,
And me to you, I wish to be.
But cut the skin that holds the breath,
That holds my such undying death,
That peirces deep and fills my chest,
And tells me we will find our rest.

Slipping Away

Every day it slips away,
Further and further from mine,
Closer and closer to a memory.
But if it were mine then it would be,
...and I wanted it to be...
Yet it never was.
That heart sinking reallity
That your fate was not mine,
That you wanted something more
Or something less however
The scales of time weigh.
It's was my fault..
My carelessness....
...not paying attention...
Until suddenly,,, the screech
Of tires on pavement,
The clash of metal, and a scream,
and my heart stops
As I recognize the blood on the glass.
What have I done?
I'm not supposed to even be here,
I had no place.
... I have no place...        

Love

I curse you delicate rose,
How is it that you bloom so,
So sweet the scent and deep the red,
When all that is within you dead,
As you pricked the prick that never bled,
Your roots grew deep beneath the earth,
And dug the grave that then gave birth,
To the immortal bleeding seed,
That you did so much wish to be,
Then sucked the life out of your love,
As a single day was not enough,
So your love it seems could not be swayed,
And the petals will so fall away,
Then free your sin that you may die,
And shed that blooming petal lie.

Disconnected

Heat courses through my skin,
And the blade becomes hot.
And while I bled upon the floor,
Bleeding I was not.
Yet red is red either way it flows,
I did not cut myself I know.
So while the dripping cursed my viens,
I wished to bleed against the grain...
And bleed and bleed although it stopped,
To catch it's breath and gently mop,
Itself up from the cold hard ground,
I decide to loose myself there down,
And throw myself into it's spill,
To find out where and if it will,
Keep me there away from him,
Or send me home to dive and swim,
Into the pool so bitter dark,
And drink it up yet leave it's mark,
To scar my skin reminding me,
Of how I wished to with him be.
But pull me out and sink it's teeth,
Into the full breast beneath,
The silky white yet lifeless skin,
And fill the blood from out within,
To make me see that writhing red,
And disconnect me from the dead,
That I may miss his warming kiss,
Into the cold and lonely bliss.        

Bloody Dreams

In my dreams,
I saw your face,
And as my lips,
Began to taste,
The blood that ran,
From your slit wrist,
I sucked you in,
And held your kiss,
Until my soul,
Was full with life,
I held your vein,
Beneath my knife.
I drank and drank,
That scent so sweet,
Then cleaned you up,
So nice and neat,
Then put you back,
Inside your cell,
Buried you deep,
Inside your hell,
And as I walk,
Away from you,
I know you'll wish,
Me back too soon,
So I will sleep,
Since I have fed,
And dream once more,
Amongst the dead.        

This End

The heat and sun that took my breath,
Has left me here, now, so near my death,
And as I rot upon this sand,
My mind returns to that pure land,
So green, so clear, so full of life,
And how I wished to be a wife,
To love and grow within those trees,
And dream of things that seemed so sweet.
My hands now hot in the crusty ground,
Ran upon your skin once, with that sound,
That sound of love, of peace, of fate,
But now, fate seems, has closed that gate,
And banished me to this place so hot,
To this place in which I am now forgot,
I fell lost, alone, and worth no one,
But my heart still hopes that he will come,
And this end will not end, but pass me by,
That this not be the way I die,
But all I see, disheartens me,
And oh how I wish, once more, to bleed.        

Here I Am

"Here I am" said Sam, "In all my darkness understand,
That I am still only a man, and sometimes hard to comprehend."
And walked away so miserably, To see if I would follow he, into the darkness quietly, because he knew I longed to bleed.
And though I may seem morbid still, I long to smell that living thrill, of life and love, that poisoned pill, to bring me hope only to kill.
And bury me beneath the tree, so Sam can find me finally, to dig me up and set me free, to wander there so aimlessly.
"Here I am" said I to Sam, "In all your darkness understand, that you are still only a man, and cannot seem to comprehend."
And walked away resentfully, to see if he would follow me, into this darkness he can't be, and yet he bled so beautifully.        

My Love in Darknes

I saw you in the morning light,
As I held on to the passing night,
To breathe in deep, that scent, of you,
Then watch you leave me, as the moon.
So as the sun light touched the ground,
I searched to hear that silent sound,
But darkness shall not find me here,
Without your love, so close and near.
Thus when the night can find its way,
To chase away those sun lit rays,
Then darkness shall, this heart, so touch,
Within those arms I love so much.
For my love in darkness, comes with you,
And twighlight does so take you soon,
Away from me into the light,
But bring you back upon the night.        

Secret Dream

I would like to fall asleep and dream, to let my mind wander to that place we met.
Do you remember that place?
If I dream of the forrest with the berries red, would you meet me there?
And this time if I ask you to swim in the water dark, would you mind getting wet?
Or if I would wage a war against the world, would you sit by my side and watch the destruction happily?
If I fall asleep alone, would you know to fall asleep as well? Would you know the time? Could you find me?
Would you search for me in a dream in time,
If seven with eight did rhyme, and know that nine was much too late, so eight could not compensate?
Would you search me out instead, and find me dreaming in my bed, as gently the story fills my head, although the story is not read?
Can you find my secret in this dream, and find me in that place between, between the forrest and the plain, and meet me there one time again?        

Last Thread

Hanging there in the darkness,
Suspended between nothing,
Tying all that means everything,
And oh how it hurts me so,
This metal blade so cold,
Must cut this string into,
And all I knew of you.
The taste of blood so sweet,
Only now, it makes me weep,
To see our love in death,
When as I held my breath,
I thought we'd die as one,
When immortal we'd become.
But now I sign in red,
With the blood my love has shed,
And sad it is to know,
In reading your last note,
That as to me you wrote,
The last time this you signed,
Your name that with mine rhymed,
Was in fact to forge to die,
And bury our loving lie.        

At Last

At last, I have reached the end.
And as I stand on the edge of the cliff,
Starring into the emptiness and darkness,
I ask myself,
Why did I come here?
Finally I have sickened myself,
I have thrown myself into the darkest corner of oblivion.
And for what?
I can jump, and end it all, loosing myself to madness,
Happily insane to the notion of insanity.
Or I can turn back to the lonely empty hole that I crept from.
At least to jump leaves uncertainty.
But to turn back, I know the cold lonesome fate that awaits my arrival.
The wind in my hair, I catch the scent of a memory.
A memory of blood,
And I smell it deep and hypnotizing.
At last, I am still alone.
Wither I jump or sustain, I am alone.
All is quiet but for the echoes chanting from the dark abyss.
Beckoning me to join the monotone enchantaions.
At last...
I am still alone.        

Seven Days

Seven Days until the day,
That day of days to bring dismay,
So soon shall come and pass away,
And I shall cry for it to stay,
Then patiently I'll sit and wait,
For the circle it shall sometime make,
And pass me by until I shake,
To reallize it was all so fake,
And sit and dread the day to fade,
When I wish that it was never made,
And hate that he could not have stayed,
And why it can't be mine I prayed,
When after love was left and weighed,
I still the price would have somehow paid,
And curse the thought of how I laid,
To allow this precious day to waste.        

Counting

Infatuation of the idealation,
I can still smell that sweet scent.
The silver taste so fresh,
As if the metal lay tightly between my teeth.
The salty taste of sweat,
Droplets falling burning my eyes,
And I love it.
I feel the blood run across my skin,
I smell the perfume of it's existence.
And I love it.
It's getting closer...
Tick, Tick, Tock, goes the clock,
And the days fall to the ground,
Bringing me down..
Far from that place I called Heaven.
And I prepare myself to die again.
And wonder does it ever end.
... and it's raining...         

Transformation

Transformation: Meaning-The need to allow something to die in order to create room for the new. Painful Change that is necessary. Creating Life out of Death.

There you were suddenly today.
Lying in front of me amongst the others,
Seemingly similar but definately different.
Calling out to me...
Drawn delicately with your wavy brunette hair,
What is it you wish for me to see?
Transformation...
And what if I do not wish to let it die?
What if I would wish it to live and grow and be remembered....
To not suffer the painful change you bring to my door.
I will shuffle you back together and pretend you did not exist.
I will cover you with books and letters,
With music, laughter, and pretend smiles.
I will forget you with drawn out memories.
Hide you in a drawer for safe keeping if need be.
And tomorrow everything will remain.
So that I may be safe within my denial,
Returning to watch the clock count nothing.
I will be happy.

Trinket

Swallow me moon,
Into the night,
The trinket strown,
I once held tight,
A jaded piece,
Upon my breast,
To smell at least,
With all my breath,
Into myself,
That scent of you,
Hear you tell,
Of love so true,
Chest to head,
Behind the dark,
I once bled,
And heard your heart.        

Middle of Everything

Which way do I go, I am all alone, the shadows whispering lies of idiocrisy.
Confusion, Delusions, renderings of a temporary eternity seems my destiny.
A car crash, a bag of trash, backroad ramblings of homicidal tendancies.
A bleeding touch, bleeds not too much, loosing the grasp on what's called sanity.
Philosophy, an exaggerated idea, in the exaggerated mind of a species.
An unknown parasite sucking the life of something that's already diseased..
Footsteps, handprints, a blood stained grass patch, my safely hid memories.
Here nor there everywhere and nowhere, the master of invisibility.
A henchmans noose, children of mother goose, missing parts of a fantasy.
The King has his Queen the Queen has her frog, the Dragon still must feast.
A Vampires Bite, a Werewolves night, come together to kill the Beast.

Safe House

Coldness entraps my ears
To silence of the safehouse.
Quietly rocking to the humming,
Humming that song of the broken heart.
So how do you protect
What has already been broken ?
And how do you keep that which
Has already been stolen?
And which way to find
That which is lost?
Alone in the quiet
Safe from the outside intrusion,
Safe from all that can harm,
Secretly listening for that knock,,,
That knock that you so dread and so long for.

Hot Water

A simple gesture,
Gliding the sharp instrument across your skin.
Your hand guiding mine,
Instructing me,
As an artist teaches his apprentice.
Varied brush strokes...
Trusting me with the razor sharp tool upon your neck.
Hot water...
... I remember....
Daydreaming in the steam.
My mind wonders to the color red
And the force of the blade into your flesh.
... back to reallity...
and wet skin...
I run my fingers across your warm wet skin,
To make sure I haven't missed a spot.
My mouth waters at the memory of the taste of your blood.
I can almost smell it....
And I cannot resist the urge to place a kiss upon you. 

Mental Masturbation

Mental masturbation and emotional ejaculation,
The warm fluid silky smooth.
Caressing the deepest follicles of my sanity,
Tantallizing the hardened membrane of my brain.
Softly rolling off your tongue,
Those sensual words of word.
Sending my thoughts and ideologies
Into full spasms of exctacy.
Collapsing into a state of morbid rest,
Content and satisfied in my mental orgasms,
I sleep. 

Emily's Ghost

In a stiffened state of morbid bliss,
I felt your cold immortal kiss,
Across the years and from the grave,
Your tales of death, my heart did sway.
A written clue as to who was you,
And how I felt as though I knew.
Indeed you knew that I would come,
And left your words from the beyond,
To be your voice, that all would hear,
Your singing soul, which sings so dear.
Oh, how I wish that I could kiss
Those hands in all their perfectness,
Which spilt those words which touch my heart,
And rendered this immortal art.
So in my dreams I hear you sing,
Of death, of life,,, of loving things.
Until reluctantly awoke,
And so of your words, I then wrote,
Of how your life has touched my soul,
And of the words that your ghost spoke. 

Last Poetic Kiss

Enchanting verb upon lips,
Can kill you with a single kiss...
Or give you life if that's her choice,
Her beautiful poetic voice.
Calming, soothing or a gasp,
Depending how you cross her path.
A bewitching spell to reel you in,
And keep you coming back again.
And when you leave you will admit,
You need that last poetic kiss....

Haunting Regret

I saw him in a moment.
Enchanting dark eyes,
With his innocent smile.
And his soul spoke to me...
Through his deep eyes,
An expression beckoned me...
"Save Me"...
And that evil voice within my ear,
Spoke so clear...
"Take Him"...
...And I wanted to...
To take him and have him,
To the point of obsession.
I wanted this dark prince,
To call him my own,
For all to have known.
Knowing full well of my dark intent.
Guilt and pain full in my chest.
Agony and grief,,,
I don't want to lose him.
I wish to love him completely,
Yet I turn away,
That he would be saved.
Guilt swallows me up,
Deep into that deep sea of regret.
I have become evil.
I have wronged him.
I have wronged her.
And I have wronged the helpless,
The innocent bystanders unaware.
Unaware that evil has touched their life.
But soon they will,,,
And I shall be revealed.
Seen for the loathsome creature
That I am.
And perhaps I shall feel peace.
Peace in that I am seen,
The vile corupt being that I am,
No longer able to hide,
No longer able to hurt anyone.
But until then, 
I shall remain haunted by my regret.

Non Existent

I know he's there, waiting for me.
Just as he has always been.
Watching me from a distance,
Evaluating me until he decides to take me.
Laughing that deep chaotic laugh,
As he finds humor in the things I find important.
Trivial things to him, that are only a temporary
Amusement, but life to me.
A game piece I have become.
Entertaining and disposable.
And it sickens and angers me altogether,
That I have become so insignificant so suddenly.
But I am...
And the day will come that I am of no use any longer.
The day will come that he has tired from his preoccupation with me, and I am dismissed into darkness.
Along with the others.
Into eternity and nothingness.
Waiting my turn here, knowing that each day
Is just one more day closer to the end,
And all that has led up to this point in my life,
Means absolutely nothing.
My memories, my love, my passions, my thoughts, all of my theologies and observations on this life will pass into darkness with me, becoming nothing.
Nonexitent...
I will be nonexistent..
But he will continue his infatuations elsewhere and always remain...
...To play the game.