Saturday, March 27, 2004

In My

I hear you in the shadows
Laughing behind my sight
Making faces in hiding places
In the whispers hints of delight
The sun is shining for once today
I emerge from darkness
Serenity sickening, death seems quickening
Morbid Peacefullness
Seeking solitude of my tomb
I must crawl away
Hide in melancholy, embracing the unholy,
Perhaps this will be the day...
Perhaps this will be the day...
Perhaps this will be the day...
Perhaps...
I must crawl away...

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Isolation

Knock Knock, who the fuck is there? Do you not see the sign? Don't you even care? knocking knocking how can you be so rude? Violation of my Isolation caught in the nude. Excuses you can puke on for desecrating my sanctum for the day, why the fuck won't you just GO AWAY!!! Shut the fuck up, I don't care what you need, will you just leave me alone so that I may fucking bleed. Where did the night go? What's up with this sun? Even mother nature seems to have me on the run... Go away daylight, I pray for the moon, I should have been here all along, locked inside this tomb. My time is running out, my isolation is ending, How can I steal more time to complete this comprehending. I want to run away, hide from all who can see, I wish to be invisible, or just not to be me. Darkness Darkness Darkness,,, I do so long, tell me Mr. Clock Maker,,, do you hear my song? Digging Digging Digging,,, I feel the shuffling in my mind, Secret place of solitude no longer mine... stolen, ripped away, opened without keys, do you not reallize who is really me? Keep myself to myself, my thoughts are my own, words are yours if I choose not to be alone, Crawling away hoping you don't follow, will you just go away so that I can fucking wallow? No not you, you not them, them not them, but those, those wretched mortals, who think that they know. Many people in the lines of this crap, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I love you, I need you but I don't, sometimes I just want to be alone. I know you are there I still feel you with me, patiently awaiting the return of my sanity. I wish you could understand how fucked up I am, It's not you it's me, psychobabbling Sam.. all the puzzle peices strown on the ground, do you know they will not be found? Ringing Ringing the phone is ringing in the other room,,, who the fuck is that,,, entering my tomb? Ring mother fucker for all that you can, I will ignore your ringing in this forsaken land... forsaken yes, desperate feeling of old, nothing for you, I have always felt cold. I had a dream last night, of being alone. I'm waiting for a bus that doesn't ever come. I search for a way out, but there is none, I sit there all day tortured by the sun. I don't understand why, when the bus brought me here, I see it on the hill on the horizon, but it doesn't draw near, It's parked and empty the driver is inside, and I cannot get off the hill in which I hide. I see my family,,, I follow them to a building, many rooms inside I know my help lies within, I knock on many doors but no answer or reply, I know you are in there so why do you hide, will you not help me, anyone in here? If I didn't want you, then you would be near. Waiting to assist, longing to comfort me, but in my time of need, you are no where to be. I knock and knock on every door there, yet no one comes to answer my prayer. Back to reallity the phone is ringing again, who the fuck is on the other end? I will never know because I will not pick it up,,, so whoever you are shut the fuck up!  

Monday, March 22, 2004

Who Am I

I walk amongst you everyday
Yet I am no where that you are
I talk to you, I hear you speak,
But your words grace not my heart,
I know your name, I know your face,
I forget you when you are gone,
I see you unrecognizingly pass,
I hear the music I know not the song.
My heart beats the same as yours
Yet my blood is much thicker still,
Giving my all to save what means nothing
I suffer that you may heal...
Suffering crying, painfully aware
Your smiling your laughing your happiness
I'm satisfied to see you so
In all of your thoughtlessness.
Pushed aside forgotten and alone
I hold you up in all your glory
Haunted by nightmares fullfilling your dreams
Happy ending your fairytale story
For all that matters now is you...
You forget who I am as so do I,
Every moment your hate feeds off my love,
Your living each moment I die...
Who Am I? 

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Wizard

I long to drink from you mouth, withold your kiss from me and give me what it is you drink instead. Open your lips and pour your already warmed drink into my accepting mouth. My mouth waters in anticipation of the already enjoyed fluid which has tickled your tastebuds. I feel you... the hair on your chest curled upon my fingers, your arm so warm beneath my fingertips as I glide them across your skin, up to your neck which waits so patiently for my sinking kiss. I pause upon the vein which so beckons me and feel the blood pulsing beneath your inviting skin, and again my mouth waters. Our hands fit so perfectly together, entwined fingers dance a dance that seems practiced for many lifetimes. Your eyes in mine, what are you searching for... stop searching for you have already found me, I am here why can't you see me? Or do you fear to see me? I love you,,, I feel it when I look at you, I feel it when you look at me. An addiction to your touch I have acquired somehow. I long for it when we are apart. And now so desperately I am without you to the point I feel I can't go on. My soulmate, flesh of my flesh, my immortal love, we vowed to continue this dance even in death. I see you in the darkness,,, above me with your eyes fixed upon mine so intensely as our bodies come together in a fevered passion... lust... a funny thing to experience such an emotion that accompanies love but has nothing to do with it. I do love you... but I lust you as much. I see your wizard... his long beard beside me... bracing my hands above my head as your thrusts become harder... I bite on the wizard's hat, hoping to draw your blood, to feel your bittersweet nectar upon my lips would be heaven to me right now. Silver links between my teeth... The steel cool and metallic upon my tongue,,, silver links. You shake and you jerk,,, quivering collapsing upon me, I am happy, childishly happy. 

Monday, March 1, 2004

I Hate This Place

I hate this place, I don't even want to be here.
All the scents of stagnant life
Filling my nose with its dull stinch.
Poisoning every molecule of my being
With it's coroding existence.
Decay all around me...
How can you live like this?
There's no music...
Only the sounds of your pathetic attempts
To pretend you actually enjoy existing.
Where am I anyway...
Please tell me this is not what I was born for...
There must be something more than this.
What a waste...
How can you walk around pretending you're someone
Somewhere that you aren't...
How can you expect to know me when
You don't even know yourself..
God I hate this place..
Everything here is a Lie...
Nothing is for real, not no one, not anything,
Pieces of imagination floating around on imagination,
Endless idiocy repeating the same mummery.
Blind conceptions of what should be a beautiful thing
Twisted, manipulated, purposely beclouded in deceptions,
To be so ordinary, so bland, and without virtue
That you should pass it and not even know it is there.
That you should possess it and not even know it is yours.
That you should deny it and not even know of your misfortune...
I hate this place...